Intriguing strangers

Within the last 24 hours I spotted two complete strangers that I would like to get to know. This used to happen to me all the time when I was in my early 20′s. But now that I have lived in San Francisco for nine years and in the same neighborhood for five and a half, I don’t often notice people that feel interesting to me anymore whom I don’t already know.

The first person was a girl of about 28 years. She and her two friends–another girl and a boy–were walking in front of me on Valencia Street yesterday, and we ended up at the same coffee shop. She had long blond hair in two braids, a pretty face and a tattoo on her chest. She was wearing heavy silver earrings, black shorts down to her knees and buckley black knee-high boots. Our eyes met briefly in line at the coffee shop, and shortly thereafter I heard her say to her friend “It’s so overstimulating to be out and seeing so many people. I keep thinking ‘I like those earrings. I like that haircut.’” Since I was wearing long feather earrings and an asymmetrical haircut, I hoped that statement was partially inspired by me, and I was thrilled to think that perhaps my curiosity was mutual. Later I heard her talk about Buddhism and meditation, and I would have loved to join the conversation but didn’t know how, so I just read my book until it was time for me to go.

Then, today, at another coffee shop I noticed a man who was probably in his mid or late 50′s. He was with two women, and they may have all been siblings or old friends or colleagues. He was short and thin with short stubbly gray hair and a bald spot. He wore rectangular glasses, one earring in his left ear and a plaid collared shirt. He had a sweet smile and he seemed very joyful. He seemed like the kind of guy that I would be friends with, just older. I wanted to tell him that but didn’t. When I’m in my 50′s, I hope that a younger person comes up to me and says “You seem like the kind of person I want to be friends with when I’m older.”

Mid-day dance break

My friend Jessica recently inspired me when she mentioned the words “mid-day dance break.” My interpretation of it is that sometime during the day I think of a song that I really feel like hearing at the time and then I play it, usually on YouTube, and dance around in my room. I do this almost daily now. One time a friend joined, and we took turns picking songs. I hope to have a friend join me more often. It’s a great way to get into your body and your energies flowing for a moment. Then I go back to whatever I was doing.

Today’s pick for my mid-day dance break was Window Shop For Love by the Wipers. I remember being a big fan of this song around age 14/15. At the time I had a preference for punky sounds that made you want to shake your head violently while dancing. Hearing it again reminds me of a time when almost anything still seemed possible, socially anyway. It was right before I started really feeling the scorn of some of my peers. I understand now that their scorn was actually envy, but at the time I translated it to “People don’t like me.” That’s when teenagehood became hard for me.

Pepa

I’ve been feeling nostalgic for 1988 today. I realized that my current haircut is very similar to the one Sandra Denton of Salt-n-Pepa wore in the Push it video.

I remember being very smitten when I saw this video at my friend Maxi’s house in the summer of 1988. I liked the aggression and energy in their dancing.

Threats to Freedom – Short Form Student Contest

I believe that college campus censorship, as referenced in Greg Lukianoff’s video on Free Speech, is a considerable threat to freedom in the United States. If you can get punished for having and expressing an opinion, you might question whether you are actually living in a free country. There is a reason, however, why universities have implemented censorship codes, and that is to protect their students and faculty. But there are better paths than censorship, in my opinion, to achieve its intended goals.

Of course universities would like to produce virtuous and morally sound members of society. It is desirable to have students—and all people, really—treat each other with respect and compassion. But honesty is another virtue we value in our society, and if we take away people’s freedom of speech, we also take away their ability to be honest with others.

I am generally in favor of allowing people to express who they are as opposed to controlling their behavior. But I understand the importance of preventing certain behaviors if they restrict another person’s freedom or physical safety. If a student destroys another’s property and in the process leaves notes with demeaning language, this student needs to be disciplined for the property damage, but not for the language used. Similarly, if a student critiques somebody’s political stance and then physically assaults them, the physical assault is a violation, but not the verbal attack.

As long as we can assure that students abide by a certain standard of conduct, we don’t need to restrict their freedom of speech. In addition to the criminalization of theft, assault, etc. it would be helpful to put programs into place that foster self-awareness, compassion and respect. Rather than taking away students’ freedom of speech, I advocate giving them tools to make their voices heard in a civilized way.

For schools experiencing repeated problems with verbal harassment or slander I recommend offering classes on personal growth or authentic expression. I would like to see more classes on nonviolent communication offered at universities, for example. For high schools there is an experiential program called Challenge Day, which teaches compassion and respect “through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression.” I believe that a similar program designed for universities might preclude the need for censorship.

Did I mention that I have a new haircut?

For months I had been thinking, ‘I am glad to know that if I ever need some new excitement in my life, I can just get an asymmetrical haircut.’

And so, on a recent Sunday morning, I took some scissors to the right side of my head, and then I had a professional hair stylist clean it up.

The friendly man selling Indian food at the farmer’s market in my neighborhood said the other day: “Ees beautiful your haircut.” Thanks, dude.

A fun projection that works out to my advantage

I don’t mention this often but for years I have thought that Gwyneth Paltrow is one of the luckiest girls in the world. She’s rich, she’s famous, she has luscious blond hair and perfect teeth, she has a cute younger rockstar husband, she’s friends with Madonna, etc.

And there is this thing I sometimes do when I’m in a dark gritty club that’s playing the nastiest bass: I imagine Gwyneth Paltrow being envious of me. I imagine her fantasizing about putting on dark eyeliner, wearing cut-up shirts, and exploring the underground dance floor culture.

And you know what? Tomorrow night Gwyneth is totally going to envy me: I am going to see Enduser play at Elbo Room. Enduser has been one of my favorite artists for over years. His sounds are dark, dirty, drum&bassy, and go from melodic to apocalyptic. Some of my favorite people are going to be in attendance, and I can’t wait. Gwyneth will be with me in spirit.

Friday night adrenaline rush

Remember when my car was totaled by my landlady while being parked in front of my house in 2003? Something similar happened on Friday night. I was at a friend’s birthday party in West Oakland at a warehouse called Candy Mountain aka the Magnolia warehouse. I had been there a few times before. It’s in a seedy neighborhood, which is why I parked in a lit area right in front of the warehouse and put my steering wheel lock on.

The warehouse doesn’t have a door bell but there was a sign next to the front door asking people to knock on the roll-up door next to it. Around 11pm we all heard a loud bang which shook the roll-up door. I thought ‘Wow, somebody is anxious to get in.’ A few minutes later my friend Talia came up to me and said “Vera, I think your car is really fucked up.” I said “What?” She said “It’s in the middle of the street.”

She took me outside and there were about five cop cars. A bronze Lexus had been smashed into the side of the building near where I had parked my car. Apparently it had been running from the police. My car had been turned almost 90 degrees and was in the middle of the street with rear body and window damage and what appeared to be a broken rear axle. The cops immediately shooed us back inside and said that when they were ready to talk to me, they would knock on the door.

In the meantime, they had more pressing business to attend to: A man was trapped underneath the Lexus. A friend took me to a room inside the warehouse which was missing a wall from the impact–yes, the very same accident had torn a hole into the warehouse. Through this hole in the wall I was able to watch the paramedics put the trapped man on a stretcher and take him away. I found out later that the man had originally been inside the getaway car and that he died on the way to the hospital. One other man was taken away by the police, and a third man had gotten away.

The police finally talked to me around 1am. I was given a police report number. The nice cop also gathered all my belongings from my car (I still wasn’t allowed to go near it because the area was still taped off) and brought them to me, including my inline skates, my steering wheel lock, and all my CD’s. Eventually an accident investigation specialist showed up and she allowed me to go near my car and take photos.

Around 2am a tow truck showed up to take the Lexus away. Then another tow truck showed up for my car. Jeremy and I went with the tow truck all the way to my Volkswagen specialist in San Francisco. If my car was totaled, I would rather hear it from a friendly voice–plus, I figured they would be able to use some of the parts. Unfortunately they are only open Tuesday through Friday so my car has been sitting there unattended. But I have been going to check on it once a day.

I talked to my insurance company on Saturday and was told that in the case of a stolen car, the insurance of that car would most likely refuse to cover it. But since I have uninsured motorist coverage, my insurance would cover it in that case, and since the accident was not my fault, it would not result in a premium increase. So this is relatively good news, though I still hope that somehow the other car’s insurance will cover the damages.

For now I wait–to hear the insurance verdict and whether my car will live or not.

A small miracle

I was out at a club last night, and people were doing karaoke to songs from the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s. Just as I was leaving somebody was singing 60′s folk song that reminded me of Bob Dylan. He was screaming and getting really into it, and I was in awe. I felt like I hadn’t heard anything so raw and visceral and classical in a while. I stood motionless for a while and took it in. I recognized the song but didn’t know what it was called or who it was by. I decided to focus on one lyric and look it up the next day but that didn’t work out. I couldn’t find it.

Then, just now I was listening to the “thoughtful” playlist on Stereomood. And guess what? My song came on.

Intentions for 2011

First, let’s see how I did on my intentions for 2010:

• Experience and practice abundance. -Yes. I had more money than in the previous years and more love than ever.
• Be a spiritual and emotional guide for others. -Yes, sometimes to a fault.
• Be a loving and supportive partner to myself and my partner(s). -Not quite. I wasn’t always true to myself, and since I had two partners, they didn’t always get enough love and support.
• Take steps toward writing my first book. -Yes!
• Listen to the uncomfortable spot in my back and let it guide me to yoga or whatever else is needed to relieve stress. -Yes.
• Listen to my muses and create, create, create. -No. I really didn’t have time to create much this year.
• Continue to accept that I love coffee! -Yes.
• Continue to accept that I like to go to bed early sometimes. -Yes. Jeremy knows all about this even though he is a night owl, and he has helped me accept it.
• Get involved in professional partnership(s). -Hm, kind of? I worked with a business coach.
• Finish reconciling my new values with my past. -Getting there. I still carry bitterness and sadness about my past.

And now my intentions for 2011:
Love myself. That is all.

Yearning

My brilliant friend Wilja, whom I had referenced in this post a year ago, sparkled brightly again last night. She was asking me what had inspired me to major in Economics in college. She said that she was really surprised when she found out that that’s what I had studied. This is something I hear a lot. Even my parents confessed recently that they didn’t really know what I was thinking – a colorful, creative, subversive, progressive person like me majoring in something as cut and dry as Economics. I said to Wilja that I think I was trying to make my father proud. Even though he hadn’t asked me to major in Econ, he worked in banking all his life, and on some level I think that I was trying to follow in his footsteps so that he could feel like the money he spent on my education was worth the investment. Wilja then asked me what was driving me in college–what did I dream of doing with that degree? I said that during college I thought that I wanted to become a market research analyst: I wanted to find out what kind of new or evolved products the world was asking for. And then Wilja said “Ah, it’s all coming together now. So even then, you already cared about people’s desires.” And I had never thought of it that way before but yes: Back when I was in Econ major and now, as a holistic counselor, my mission has been to find out what people are yearning for. Connection made. Thanks, Wilja.

As I was walking home from the Castro, I had to climb a big hill. I had had a few drinks and noticed that the steep climb didn’t feel as hard on my body as it normally would. I was just sort of flying up the hill–breathing hard, yes–but it felt like nothing. My body felt stronger. That’s when I had the thought that there are two types of people: Those who notice and then decide that they want to drink more often so that they can feel strong more often. And those who notice and then decide to try to feel strong more often when sober. I want to know more people that are of the second type.