Raking the dirt
I had an amazing session with my wizness coach the other day. I have been working with her for over two months now and have received some very practical advice regarding my business. As a result, for example, I just bought a new phone and answering system and ordered caller ID because I had been losing some business due to not calling people back. Practical advice and exercises have been very valuable, but I knew that they weren’t the key to growing my business. I knew that what I really needed to work on were the conflicting feelings I have about my business. Luckily, my coach takes a very heart-centered and emotionally aware approach and she is experienced in shadow work. I told her that for the next month or so I would like to focus on that.
In our session on Wednesday we did a Parts Therapy exercise. We identified and addressed some of the more hidden parts of my personality. I told her right off the bat that I felt the Teenager part in me was getting in the way of my business. The Teenager never wants to grow up, doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want any responsibility, doesn’t want to be a “boring adult”. With my business I would like to be a powerful woman and have a positive effect on hundreds if not thousands of lives. That takes much more responsibility than the Teenager is willing to take on.
My coach asked me for some qualities that I would really like to possess but am not sure I actually do. I responded that I would like to be seen as warm, powerful and intuitive, but that I sometimes have doubts about all of them. She asked me to focus on one for this exercise and I chose warmth. She asked me what I was trying to hide by wanting to be seen as warm. I said that I was hiding judgmentalism. This is how we arrived at one part of my personality which I named the Judge. I had picked her up when I was 7 and first noticed the differences in people and that I liked some better than others.
Then my coach asked me for some qualities of mine that people easily see in me and that I am proud of. I mentioned smart, logical, open and non-critical. She asked me to focus on one, and I chose the quality of being smart. She then asked me what I am trying to hide by being smart. I said that I was trying to hide that sometimes I am lost and confused. And that’s how we arrived at the part of my personality which I labeled the Mental Patient. She had come into my life when I was 10 and depressed and desperate.
We then had these three different parts of me talk to each other and make each other seen, heard and understood. Finally, we had the different parts set some joint intentions for my life.
Judge/Mental Patient: Make plans for the future while finding appreciation in present circumstances.
Teenager/Judge: Surround myself with people I feel comfortable with that are fun, playful and young at heart.
Mental Patient/Teenager: Have an extraordinary life of constant change and growth while feeling loved and supported.
This was a two hour session, which all took place at a dingy Indian restaurant in the Mission. I really enjoyed it and hope that all my parts will be on board with me having a successful business going forward. I can actually already see how each of these parts can help me make my dreams come true. I can use the Judge to be more discerning in terms of who I do and don’t want to work with. The Mental Patient, while it seems like she might get in the way of a counselor’s work, is actually very welcome because she brings the necessary understanding and compassion to my practice: She has been there. She knows what it’s like to suffer. And the Teenager, whom I consider the biggest enemy of my business, wants to keep growing and evolving, which is something I want. I just need to convince her why and how taking responsibility can help us achieve that.
The day after this session I had my first paying client in about two months, which I take as a good sign.
By Niki, August 22, 2010 @ 4:41 pm
I’ll try not to take your label of someone who doesn’t want kids/marriage/a boring adult life as a ‘teenager’ personally, since this is about you and not me. Perhaps that’s The Judge making those distinctions anyway.
By Vera, August 22, 2010 @ 6:43 pm
Niki, I am sorry that you feel judged by so many people, including me, for not wanting marriage and kids. I did not mean to label you or anyone else who is certain they want to remain child-free. I know that in your case, ALL of you doesn’t want marriage and kids, and to me that is a perfectly respectable and mature thing to decide.
For me, though, it’s only a part of myself who doesn’t want those things. I labeled that part the teenager in me. Please don’t take offense in my own personal work.
By nickles, August 23, 2010 @ 2:39 pm
I wish youse luck in the Great Integration of the many. The sessions sound pretty awesome. I didn´t mean to be defensive, but I guess I still get riled when I hear ´maturity´ associated with babies and marriage. It´s not you, it´s the universe!