Just wrote a heartfelt email
It's to a really cool and nice guy I used to know back in Germany who was a few years older than me and sometimes talked to me on the school bus. Here is the translation of the email I sent him:
I have been wanting to thank you because you helped me out a lot in school back then. I don't even remember which graduating year you were, but it was probably in 1992 or 1993. You were probably in 13th grade and I in 10th or 11th? I had really low self-esteem back then and felt out of place constantly. I just felt really uncomfortable in my skin and didn't feel very connected to or appreciated by other people at school.
But I remember that you would sometimes sit next to me on the bus and talk to me as if I was a perfectly normal and respectable person. I didn't take something like that for granted back then, and it meant a lot to me. You were popular and respected by just about everybody, and unlike other people, you didn't feel too cool to talk to me. I am starting to cry now - things sure were difficult for me during those times.
I realize now that the reason people didn't respect me enough back then was that I didn't respect myself enough. And that's why I want to thank you - I felt like you respected me even when I couldn't respect myself. I thought "If Markus Peter talks to me, I can't be that bad." It gave me hope.
It feels so good to write emails like that. I can't recommend it enough.
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.: posted by Vera 
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Happiness squared
Today I said to Kean:
"I am feeling kind of guilty because yesterday I sent an email to [my other lover] and told him that he makes me happy."
And Kean said:
"Oh, really? Aww, I'm glad he makes you happy and that he knows that now."
Wow. I continue to be amazed by how generous and supportive Kean is. I am so lucky.
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.: posted by Vera
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The perfect new job
I have been talking to a technology giant for a few months. After a couple of interviews, a language test and lots of phone calls, I am now finally their new part-time back-up German linguist. They already have one full-time German linguist on site in San Jose, but I get to work part-time and remotely. Once in a while I will have to go to San Jose to do work there, which I have already done twice, and both times it was a nice little mini road trip adventure.
Each week they would like to know what my availability is. Based on my availability, they will then assign overflow projects to me which the full-time German linguist doesn't have enough time for. She is pretty swamped right now, so I can pretty much work as much or as little as I want. The projects are translation projects that need to be reviewed. They are mostly technical documents that have been translated by a translation company. My job is to review the translation and point out any typos, grammatical errors, mistranslations and deviations from the company's linguistic style. I get to work from the comfort of my own home or my favorite coffee shop.
This is such a perfect arrangement, I can barely believe it's true. But I believe it.
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.: posted by Vera
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Just so you know
My most played artists on last.fm are, in order:
Autechre
The Cure
Enduser
Klute
Beefcake
Depeche Mode
Lamb
Apoptygma Berzerk
I can support that.
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.: posted by Vera
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The Return of Intoner
Last night was a very special night. I had only been to Death Guild once since June. But last night Intoner, my favorite DJ of the last two years, was back at Death Guild for the first time since April. He had been in Berlin for six months, but now he is finally back. Death Guild just hadn't been the same without him, so I had stopped going.
So last night I went back to Death Guild, and it was an incredible night. Kean, Sarah and I coordinated a "Welcome back, Elliott" card (that's his real name). Kean made a design in Photoshop, Sarah printed it out, and then Kean and I got lots of people to sign it at the club. One time, as I was running after somebody I wanted to sign the card, I ran into someone in the doorway. He said hey and I said hey, and then he hugged me, and then he said "I'm coming on, like, right now." Apparently it was Elliott. "Oh," I said, "I am coming too then," holding the card behind his back while in his embrace.
As soon as Elliott came on at 12:30 on the upstairs dance floor, it was completely packed, and it didn't stop until 2:30. I stayed on the dance floor the entire time. Even when he played a less-than-stellar song, I could not stop dancing because I was just so happy to have him back. He played some old gems that I had danced to before and also some new stuff. Towards the end he played Hardcore Vibes by Dune, which I remembered from the 90's in Germany. Dune is actually from my home city Münster. I think I was one of the few people on the dance floor who had ever heard that track before.
When I have been asked lately what my current favorite music is, I haven't really known what to answer. But I think I figured out now that it's syncopated breakcore. Breakcore is not normally syncopated which is why I have been hesitant to mention it as my favorite music because I can't stand how discontinuous it often is. But when it's syncopated, it's currently one of my absolute favorites to dance to. Example artists are Enduser and DJ Hidden. I also want to mention Architect, Rekahoe and Orphx as some artists I am really into right now. All this stuff is definitely drum&bass- and industrial-influenced, filthy and experimental. I also see them being put in the categories of grime (which seems to be a British thing), dubstep and darkstep. I think I am slowly starting to figure out how to identify my favorite music. Listen to this if you want a taste.
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.: posted by Vera
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A funny little Halloween anecdote
When I was putting together my ?on Flux costume, I thought of this hoodie I used to have that I knew would be the perfect candidate for cutting up to make ?on's top. I knew that I had cut the pockets out of that hoodie already but I also knew that I would have kept the rest of it for other purposes because I always do. But I looked in all of my places where I keep scrap fabric and I couldn't find it. I was so sure I had it though.. and then I spotted the hood string of that hoodie. The hood had become the headpiece for my AutoReiv costume last year. In a hunch, I took apart the whole thing and sure enough - I had used the rest of the hoodie to stuff and round out the headpiece. Ha! I love that I had to take apart last year's costume to make this year's one.
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.: posted by Vera
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Happy Hallowed Full Moon
I had a lovely, lovely Halloween. That morning I woke up in a new lover's arms.
That night I got to spook people out, in a loving way, with a big troupe of 40 Bad Unkl Sista performers at Spider Ball. I was wearing the costume of a sort of sexy Victorian executioner. I got to crawl across the dance floor with a wooden statue of a giraffe. These two girls started dancing with me and said "Our friend is really scared of you." This inspired me to get up on the balcony (which was accessible to performers only) and walk--float, rather--along it and back very slowly, like a ghost.
At midnight we had our main procession and performance, in which we got to hold over six minutes of stillness (I always love the stillness segments; they are very meditative and almost therapeutic), and at the end, we got to slide/melt down a set of stairs. I loved sliding down the stairs - there is something so uncivilized about it.
After the midnight performance, I quickly slipped into my ?on Flux outfit and took BART over to the East Bay to meet Kean and then go to the Otherworld party. I loved my ?on Flux costume probably about as much as the trashy princess one from two years ago. It made me feel lanky and as if I had miles-long limbs. One time I was stretching in front of a mirror, and this girl I didn't know started copying all my stretches; it was too cute.
Being at this party was somewhat of a sweet memory trip because two years ago, Kean and I had spent a lot of time together at the Otherworld Halloween party (when I was wearing the trash bag princess dress), and that was only the third time we ever hung out together. Yes, this means that we just had our two year anniversary!
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.: posted by Vera
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