Dance of darkness
The Kean and I were both in a Butoh performance with Bad Unkl Sista last night. It was an hour long performance that was supposed to start at midnight, but we didn't end up going on until about 2:30 am. I think the aggravating long wait time led to us expressing a lot of agony during the dance, so it might have actually turned out well for our performance.
There were seven of us - Anastazia, Michael, Virginia, Sirley, Kate, Kean and I. We were all wearing pouffy white skirts, pouffy white hats, white make-up and red lip centers. Every time I caught a glimpse of Kean's pretty face, made even prettier with white make-up and red lipstick, my heart opened really wide. And when we stood in a centering circle right before the performance, all holding hands, the warmth and strength of Kean's hand felt so good around mine. I am so happy that we get to do this together.
First we did a long and slow procession through the cold, through the crowd and up the stairs onto the stage. There we stood in a line of stillness for seven minutes, looking straight ahead above the crowd and imagining a better world a thousand years in the future. Then we did a dance with the "weight of the world" and then stood in a line again while Kate did a solo. After Kate's solo, we all rushed her and pushed against her in a circle, each of us trying to get into the center of the circle. After separating from the circle, we did a "love and hate" dance. We pushed and hit and hugged each other and ended up in various puddles on the floor. Then we stood in a line again while Michael did his incredibly emotional solo, embodying sadness and fear so tangibly, I started shaking myself. We rushed Michael as well, but instead of struggling with him, we petted him. When we separated from him, we petted ourselves, projecting all of our energy onto the audience so as to make them feel petted. We made a line one more time, and then, to make space for Anastazia's solo, we shuffled off the stage while clawing at our hearts. We stayed in the audience in a half circle to hold space for Anastazia.
Anastazia's solo was probably my favorite part of the performance. She slowly started tearing off her clothes. Then she stood there, bare-breasted and pigeon-toed, and slowly floated to the edge of the stage. She brought her knees to her chin until she was sitting on the topmost step. Then she slowly slid down the stairs like a dead body. It was such an amazing display, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She ended up lying at the bottom of the stairs for what felt like a really long time, with the back of her head resting against the bottom step. She finally got up, and when she caught up with the rest of us, we all slowly processed back to the dressing room.
When we were all done, it was 3:45am. To me, it was definitely worth the wait. I love offering up my heart this way.
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.: posted by Vera 
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Time for me to help others
One of the coolest things I ever did was that at a time when I had enough money for this month and for the next month, I sent some anonymous cash to friends who were struggling financially. I was giddy for days.
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.: posted by Vera
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Statement maker
I had a dream the other night in which I was in some kind of workshop environment, and when it was my turn to share, I said dramatically "I come from a family of statement makers."
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.: posted by Vera
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Busy-ness and a little bit of consumerism
I had been feeling really blah for most of February and March. Now that I am working again, I feel infinitely better. I don't know if it's because I am so busy that I don't have time to think, or because as lazy as I am, I am not THAT lazy, and contributing to society actually makes me feel good. My increased busy-ness has even, ironically, made me pick up a creative project for the first time in a while: I am turning an old pillow case into an apron.
Either way, I feel like my temporary return to tinker with Flash at Freestyle Interactive was a god-sent because
1) they have always been my favorite company to freelance for. When they had no more work for me in November 2007, I was actually sad and had been hoping for them to call me back ever since.
2) daily lunches with Bret are back, who works there too.
3) the work is fast-paced but not super demanding technically, which is perfect for me. I have been working on a big ad for a new game release.
4) I was able to take a temporary break from taxi driving. Taxi driving had been making me absolutely miserable lately. Business is super slow, and all too often I had found myself driving around for two hours or more without a single fare, taking home only $40 or so for a ten hour shift.
So, I am still freelancing there for now but it might end soon. I might start driving a taxi again next week, and hopefully business will have picked up a little by then as it usually does in the spring and summer.
The translation project I picked up recently went really well. Since I worked on it for an entire weekend, I actually finished it early, and now the same company just gave me another small editing job.
It's so nice to have money again! I almost can't believe this but I hadn't bought any clothes since November! Part of this is that if I need something new for, say, Death Guild, I often just make it. Well, now I just invested in a new pair of black True Religion jeans. The thing is that I almost never buy expensive clothes. But a year and a half ago, when I bought my first pair of black jeans, I knew that I was going to wear them every day. So I went all out and bought myself a pair of True Religion jeans because they are NICE. And it's true - I wore them just about every day, and they are all worn out and loose now, they are fraying at the bottom, and I would say I definitely got my money's worth. So now I just ordered a slightly different style of black jeans (flare instead of straight leg), and I am wearing them right now for the first time! I think we are going to have a very tight relationship.
Next up is an iPhone for me. I "need" it so I can help Kean play music at Noc Noc. For a while I burnt a CD every time I went, but I ran out of blank CD's a while ago, and it was a pain in the ass anyway because I would lose their track lists. If I had an iPhone, I would always have a big batch of tunes with me. Speaking of music, you can add me as a friend on last.fm if you're curious about what I have been listening to.
Also, I have been getting late night pizza cravings, and I gave in to them two nights in a row this week, and it was glorious.
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.: posted by Vera
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Super busy
After being grossly underemployed for over four months, this week I have more work than I can handle. The company I freelanced for in the summer and fall of 2007 has brought me back in for a week or two. And the day I started that, I also got an offer for a translation project. Since I have been hoping for a translation project for a long time, I couldn't turn it down.
So from now until a week from now I will be working at that company every week day, and whenever I am not there, I am going to be working on that translation project. That means I will be working all weekend. I am canceling all my social engagements until further notice.
This may sound like hell but I welcome this change right now. It's nice to have an excuse not to go out or to go outside. It's nice to be super busy after such a long time of relative inactivity.
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.: posted by Vera
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