"Vera words"
My lovely friend Sarah sent me this image with the words:
"I just found this really neat site, and made this image from your most recent blog entries."
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.: posted by Vera 
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Planning
Kean and I are leaving for Germany in one week from today. We will be there for almost two weeks. Yesterday I started planning our timeline because I was reminded that that might be a good idea by questions from my mom and my sister about what our plans were and where we wanted to be when.
Here is what I know:
- We are flying into and out of FMO airport (Flughafen Münster-Osnabrück), which is a twenty minute drive from my parents' house.
- On the way there we have an eight hour layover in Paris, France. We would like to take a bus into the city and see some things.
- We would like to spend about three days in Berlin. I haven't heard from Maxi, my old friend from school, with whom I stayed last time I went to Berlin. But I found somebody on couchsurfing.com who is interested in hosting us and who lives only three blocks from Maxi.
- I want to spend at least one or two nights in Cologne with my sister and her boyfriend.
- I want to visit my aunt Inge and my grandma and Sandy, one of my oldest childhood friends, who now has a one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. They all live in or near the little town where my parents live.
- My parents are going to be out of town the weekend of March 14, so we get to decide if we want to use that time to be alone at my parents' house or be out of town as well.
- I want to spend at least one night in Düsseldorf at my friend Julia's.
- I have an appointment to see my old dentist because I don't trust American dentists.
I am starting to get excited!
A related, neat synchronicity: Yesterday Kean and I went to Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe for the second time. The first time we went there, which was sometime last summer, I decided to only speak in German to Kean while we were there, just for fun. I asked him "Willst du mit mir nach Deutschland fliegen?" It means "Do you want to go to Germany with me?" He said yes, and now we're going!
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.: posted by Vera
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What I have
I ran into my favorite cab driver on Monday and sat in his cab for a while. It was dead slow, and I was feeling frustrated.
He said "You don't have anything to worry about. You don't have any children. All you have to do is get by. You have a cool haircut, and you have your piercings. You have a nice boyfriend, and if you want to see somebody else, you can do that. Plus, you're going to Germany next week to see your family. What more could you want from life?"
Hehe. Suddenly I didn't feel so frustrated anymore.
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.: posted by Vera
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I used to beg my mom to let me do this, promising I would clean up afterwards; she wouldn't let me
"Now take a really big sip," I said, "but don't swallow it."
He took a big sip, his cheeks puffed out, and then I shoved both palms of my hands into his cheeks, and a big spurt of water came out of his mouth in an arch trajectory.
I started laughing really hard and kicking my feet with glee.
"I have wanted to do that ever since I was a little kid!"
I laughed so hard, I almost started crying.
"Did you know what I was going to do before I did?" He nodded.
The next morning I said "Thanks for letting me make you spout water. I hope that you'll do that to me some day."
"Oh, don't worry," he said.
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.: posted by Vera
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New tattoo, the second
I got my first tattoo last summer, and about three weeks ago I got my second one, a very similar design on the other arm, done by the same tattoo artist. I like how symmetrical I am now: I have symmetrical earrings, symmetrical eyebrow piercings, symmetrical nipple piercings and now symmetrical tattoos on my shoulders.
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.: posted by Vera
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Thinking about responsibility
Not having permanent employment, not caring to save money, not focusing on the purchase of a home or starting a family, living in the moment instead of the future (see "not caring to save money")--all of these things sometimes make me feel like I am very irresponsible, like I am 18 instead of 32. (It's funny to me that when I was 18 I actually worked about four part-time jobs, trying to save every Deutsche Mark I could because I wanted to have as much of a cushion as possible, should I end up moving to the United States, which, believe it or not, I did.)
The spiritual counselor I used to see, who ended up buying four Psychic Valentines from me this year, once told me that her family had been pretty poor, but instead of hanging on to their last five dollars, her mom would say "Let's go get ice-cream!" Is that responsible or irresponsible? I would say it is financially irresponsible and spiritually responsible. I was raised to be financially responsible, but these days I am putting more and more emphasis on being spiritually responsible, i.e. soothing and feeding my soul rather than my bank account.
So back to responsibility: I really don't feel financially responsible right now and haven't in a few years. I remember when I spent what seemed like my "last forty dollars" on a vacuum cleaner from a street vendor in the Mission. (I just used said vacuum cleaner to clean my entire apartment--does that make me responsible?) I can't recall if this purchase happened one year ago or two years ago. And if that really was my last forty dollars, how am I still here today?
One of the reasons I am furiously cleaning my apartment is that the subletter I found for my Germany trip is a lovely lady from Italy--with an 18-month-old son. I am delighted to have some baby energy in my apartment while I am gone, and I don't want little Valentino to eat dust while he is in San Francisco for the first time.
Trying to remedy my persistent state of underemployment, I had an excruciating phone interview for a Flash developer position on Friday, in which I was criticized; blatantly compared to other applicants, to whom I was clearly deemed inferior; and put on hold for five minutes in the middle of it. I don't think there is a match; I'm sure that CEO doesn't either.
For the last year or more, the following Kryon card had been sitting on my dresser/altar:
Visualize in your mind the perfect solution without knowing what it is! Visualize the challenge being over and being peaceful with everything around you. Don't tell Spirit how to solve it. Instead, visualize it as being finished.
I just swapped it out for:
There is only one reason for your existence on Earth--for the purpose of raising the vibration of the whole.
Yes, please. As a psychic and intuitive counselor I often convey very positive messages to people that I know lift them up. Yesterday afternoon, I was invited to a tea party at the Fairmont Hotel by somebody who found me on Yelp. I did psychic readings for a pregnant birthday girl and two of her girlfriends. One of them was very afraid of what I was going to tell her because she had had other psychics tell her things about herself that had made her feel bad. When I was done with her, she was visibly elated.
I may be broke, but I still get to have tea at the Fairmont, probably the most famous and prestigious hotel in San Francisco. Life is so interesting and always finds creative ways to balance things out..
A dear friend I hadn't seen in about a year and half came over on Friday to bring me nectarines and pea soup because I was sick, and she told me how being broke forces her to be more creative. She said instead of spending her last $2 on a candy bar, she buys a cup of coffee and sits in a coffee shop for six hours, which provides a whole afternoon of value rather than two minutes. Being broke has also allowed her to enjoy free things more, such as the ocean or a bike ride through Golden Gate Park.
And I like being forced to be creative as well. I'd rather have a psychic tea party, a nude modeling session, and a Prius taxi support me, albeit somewhat unreliably, than a reliable paycheck from a corporation. Money is funny--it's like a game when you take the seriousness out of it. Ever since having watched Zeitgeist with Kean, I have been very much in support of getting rid of the monetary system completely. But today I am kind of thankful that money exists because it makes for this interesting game we can play. The only drawback is that our participation is involuntary, but we are players nonetheless.
People bought more Psychic Valentines this year than they ever have before. The earnings from them will pay for my PG&E bill for three or four months. I got up early on Valentine's Day morning and sent out all of those valentines I was asked to wait until Valentine's Day to send. Then I went back to bed to cuddle with the Kean. We were both feeling a little sniffly and coughy, and I also drooly. We eventually got up and were going to inline-skate in Golden Gate Park, but in an effort to escape the clouds and the rain, we made it all the way to Ocean Beach where we skated along the water and the seagulls. Kean was wearing a red jacket, and I was wearing a pink jacket, and he took my hand and said "Let's be all cute," and we skated together all cutely. We also stood at the edge of the ocean and kissed, and he said "I love being active with you", which was my sentiment exactly, and I had never been part of such an obvious Valentine's Day display of love and cuteness, but I have to say that I enjoyed it a lot. Then we skated over to Java Beach and had some apples and sandwiches and liquids, and I was feeling happy.
One of my favorite things to do in the world is to have sex. Sometimes I wish that my only responsibility in life was to raise the vibration and the amount of love and joy on this planet by having sex all day. Sometimes I imagine my own sexual energy leaving my bedroom and affecting positive shifts elsewhere in the world. I am allowed to dream.
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.: posted by Vera
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A lovely compliment
A guy I don't know from Oakland just sent me a message on myspace, saying he likes my style and would like for someone to take non-sexual photos of us together. He said
I like your style and look. Very unique. Kind of post-apocalyptic mixed w/Cinderella."
Awww, "post-apcalytpic mixed w/Cinderella" - that hits me in the right spot.
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.: posted by Vera
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Oh, of course, it's February
That's why I'm feeling so shitty right now. I can't believe it took me eight days to figure that out.
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.: posted by Vera
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