Rent is due tomorrow (with a grace period of five days), and I am still short $219. A friend bought a gift certificate for a counseling session with me for her roommate yesterday. I did a phone session with a client yesterday, and the check is on its way. I have another session scheduled for tomorrow evening. I signed up to do a paid nude modeling session for an art school on Wednesday. My February newsletter will go out to my mailing list tomorrow, mentioning Psychic Valentines and a special recession rate for my counseling sessions. A good friend offered to help me with my rent.
I am going to do my taxes soon, and I know that I am going to get a big refund. Last year I owed several thousand dollars, which was traumatic, so this year I had a lot of extra money deducted from all of my Adobe paychecks, and I am thinking I will get several thousand dollars refunded.
When I go to Germany in a little over a month, my parents will give me some money as well. I am supposed to save that money and I feel terrible for probably not being able to, but I'd rather disappoint my parents than lose my apartment.
I have been going back and forth between fear and adventurousness over the last few days. Right now I'm feeling adventurous and excited. I do know that everything is going to work out alright, and I am curious to see how.
The world is feeling strange to me right now. Nothing feels comfortable, nothing fits right. I am yearning for the past, even yesterday. I feel in disagreement with the present moment.
I am at Ritual with my laptop at this moment. This feels comforting to me because it reminds me of the past. Two years ago, I walked my then-new platform boots down to Ritual with my laptop almost daily. I sat there for hours, blogging, writing in my journal, knitting, working on my Psychic Valentines campaign, sometimes translating, sometimes working on Flash stuff, running into people I knew, making new friends, sipping on caffeinated beverages.
This morning, in that space between sleep and awakeness, I had a freakout. It went something like this:
"I am almost out of money I don't have clients this week or next week I have to pay for my new tattoo next week I just bought Burning Man tickets Rent is due in 11 days I could pay it right now but there are other bills I have to pay too One of my teeth is feeling weird I hope it doesn't end up costing me I need money Where is the money going to come from I haven't had translation work in months I don't want to do Flash work and nobody seems to want to hire me part-time right now anyway Do I have to take a job at a coffee shop I can't see myself doing that I am so spoiled I have made it for over three years like this How did I survive Will I survive this time I AM FREAKING OUT LIFE IS TOO MUCH FOR ME RIGHT NOW!"
Then I asked Mary for some love, and she sent me some, and then I sat on Kean's porch in the sun for a while, and then I pooped, and then I felt much better, and then I thought that come February, I am going to ask all my lightworker friends with email lists to tell their email lists about Psychic Valentines, and then I decided to advertise my Past Life Regression sessions on Craigslist, and then I created an Etsy listing for Psychic Valentines, and I am still scared but there is hope.
I have had a lot of free time since getting laid off from Adobe, and I haven't really been enjoying it much. I have been spending way too much time sitting in my apartment and surfing the web. Today I am at Ritual and surfing the web, and somehow that feels a lot more productive. I know I need to do this more often on my days off. In the near future, instead of surfing the web, I hope to sit here, doing translation work and answering Psychic Valentines questions.
If you want to help a sister out, please buy a Psychic Valentine for a friend. Just one. Clearly you have at least one friend who could use some love and wise words, don't you?
After Psychic Holiday Wishes were such a nice success this season, I am hoping that Psychic Valentines will follow suit. If anybody has any idea on how to make known and promote Psychic Valentines, please do let me know.
After Kean's pantsless birthday party in July and Niki's pantsless almost-going-away party a month later, I vowed to soon host a pantsless party at my place. I thought this was going to happen in September or October, but it didn't happen until yesterday, Jan. 10.
It was much smaller than expected because only about ten of the 42 people I invited actually showed up, but it was probably better that way because my apartment is very small. And those of us that were there sure had fun doing things in our underwear. I declared Big Fun the song of the night, I practiced the Carlton dance and actually got better at it towards the end, Niki and I did an extensive "I saw a penis" dance, and at one point about seven of us did an extensive Photobooth photoshoot which proved to us that none of us have any dignity.
The cool thing about my pantsless party was that it was on the same day as the annual No Pants Subway Ride. When I planned my party, I had no idea how brilliant my choice of date was. I didn't find out until Kean called me around 1pm yesterday, asking me to meet him and his friend Jen at the 16th Street BART station at 2. We rode the BART pantsless, we rode the Muni pantsless, we went to a Taqueria and to Good Vibrations pantsless, we did some pantsless grocery shopping, and THEN we had a pantsless party with close friends. I don't know why I don't walk down the street pantsless more often.
I feel like Snap was more popular in Germany than it was in the U.S. I remember this song from the summer of 1990. I was 14.
Last night at Noc Noc, the Kean asked me to play an "Oh no, you di'int" kind of song, and I played this one. I even got him to dance to it with me, which is surprising because he usually loathes all my early 90's guilty pleasures.
By the way, I take no responsibility for the lyrics because back then, I didn't speak English yet and didn't even know what "ooops" meant.
On Friday, January 2nd, I had friends over at my house so that I could make up for all the toasting and kissing I missed at midnight on New Year's Eve.
Eleven people* stopped by over the course of the evening, and we finished eleven bottles of champagne. I insisted on smooching every single person that came over and spent most of the time in a cuddle pile on my very own bed.
Missed New Year's festivities have officially been made up for.
*Jonako, Theorna, Siri, Lance, Plague, Mike, Lizzy, Damien, Monique, Kean and Niki (in order of appearance)
My New Year's Eve was rather anti-climactic. I had to drive a cab on New Year's Day, so I couldn't really do anything that night. Anastazia had asked me to do another Butoh performance at Sea of Dreams, and at first I agreed, thinking "Who needs sleep when you have Butoh?", but when the performance was pushed from 10:30 back to 10:50, I bowed out for the sake of being fully rested for my ten hour cab shift.
Kean tucked me in around 10pm, read to me and rubbed my back, and then he went off to work and make out with people at DNA. He crawled back into my bed around 5am, just as I was getting up.
I slept through any and all midnight festivities and didn't get to toast with or kiss anybody. But there shall be makings up for that tonight since I am having friends over for champagne. Also, last night (on 1/1) I had a veeeeery interesting sexual experience that I hope will somewhat set the stage for 2009. It left me feeling very pleased with myself, to use a dear lover's words. Happy new year indeed.
