More strange love
A couple of months ago my lover and I created a video in which I tie him up and gag him with tape and do other "terrible" things to him. I told my friend Bret about this, and he told his friend Melissa. Melissa is a photographer and she told Bret that she would like to take bondage photos of me and my lover. And last night we did! We dressed up all sexy, threw a bunch of props into a bag and went over to her photography studio.
Overheard in the studio that night were things like "We're going to choke each other now" and "So this time I am only going to beat him, right?" It was super fun. And somehow I thought it was so beautiful to work on a project together, i.e. the series of photographs that came out of this, that is an expression of and a testament to what our love is like.
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.: posted by Vera 
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New Mexico and other places, here I come
I just booked an Amtrak trip for two weeks, starting February 18.
This is the itinerary: Emeryville, CA - Los Angeles, CA - Lamy, NM - Chicago, IL, Washington, DC - Trenton, NJ - Toronto, ON - Vancouver, BC - Seattle, WA - Emeryville, CA.
I think I understand now why New Mexico has been calling me: Several people have told me lately that there are lots of Native American remnants there. And Native Americans and I go way back.
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.: posted by Vera
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Strange love
Starting at my toes, he wrapped me from head to toes in purple plastic wrap. He cut holes for my mouth and my nose and eventually my eyes and um, other places. I looked like a purple mummy. He posed me in different ways and took a bunch of pictures and a video of me wiggling around. Then he started cutting a line into the purple mass, opening me up like a butterfly. Before my eyes he transformed into an artist, a sculptor, and I was his work of art, watching him. It was one of the weirdest and funnest things I have ever been a part of.
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.: posted by Vera
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Dark insect queen
I have been performing for Bad Unkl Sista in Hot Couture: A Fusion of Fire and Fashion at the Crucible. We had a performance on Thursday, one on Friday, and the final one will be tonight. I was super nervous on Thursday, less nervous on Friday, and hopefully I will be golden tonight.
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.: posted by Vera
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Recently
"Look, there are some people."
"Cool. Let's judge them!"
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.: posted by Vera
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I came from an institution, Part II
Last week I saw Sweeney Todd, and, even though I am not sure, I think that when Johanna is rescued from the insane asylum, she is shown wearing an outfit that combines a strait jacket with a corset. So now I want this corset and this jacket. It might be a start.
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.: posted by Vera
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A happy moment on Thursday
After having a drink at a green bar with three green cab drivers, we skipped down a wet 16th Street, holding hands.
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.: posted by Vera
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I realize a miracle is due
I love this quickening universe where things manifest at a speed closer and closer to that of thought. This year, I wanted to, among other things, go to New Mexico and face my fear of the spotlight.
It looks like I might take a train to New Mexico as early as next month.
Regarding the spotlight: On Thursday I was filmed with my green cab and interviewed on camera for another TV show about green businesses. One of the camera guys called me "One-take Charlie" because I was "so good on camera" that they only needed one take. That made me happy because I had always assumed that I would be extremely awkward on camera.
Also, on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I will face the spotlight again as I am modeling/performing for Bad Unkl Sista at Hot Couture at the Crucible.
Finally, when I was in Berlin, during breakfast on my last day there, I casually mentioned to Maxi and her boyfriend that I have been fantasizing about coming to Berlin for several months to work on some project. I said that I had no idea what kind of project, but that I was open to it presenting itself to me. Maxi said "I'll work on that." It just so happens that her boyfriend owns a small ad agency that does a lot of Flash work, much like the companies I have freelanced for here in San Francisco. The possibility excites me.
Song of the Day: The Chameleons - Second Skin
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.: posted by Vera
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Listen to Achilles
He once said:
The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be more lovely than you are now. We will never be here again.
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.: posted by Vera
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2008, here I come
First, let's see how I did on my intentions for 2007.
1. I improved my relationship with myself. --> YES. I can finally truly accept myself and all my feelings, thoughts and actions, and not just in theory like I used to.
2. I stabilized my financial situation. --> YES. It's actually looking pretty good right now.
3. My girlfriendships are thriving. --> WELL. My boyfriendships are probably thriving more. But I did make two very special new girlfriends this year, and my sister and I grew a lot closer.
4. I sold art. --> NO. But I did have some paintings in a coffee shop for a month, which felt amazing.
5. I attracted more counseling clients. --> YES. I still don't have as many as I would like but the number has been growing.
6. I found that emotional, sexual and spiritual connection I had been seeking. --> YES. I found one in October, and it's still on. Nothing too serious because I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but it has been lovely and exactly what I need.
7. I turned a book idea into a book proposal. --> NO. It seems I am not ready, and that's okay because one day I will be.
8. I was in my body a lot: I ran, I jumped, I swam, I hooped, I did yoga, I danced, I bounced on trampolines, and I swang on swings. --> YES. I did all of that as well as wrestling, play-fighting, and bedroom acrobatics.
9. I created many things I am proud of. --> WELL. This turned out differently than I thought. My main creations for 2007 were relationships, self-esteem, and costumes, and I am indeed proud of them even if I was thinking more of paintings, books and sewing projects when I wrote this.
10. Psychic Valentines were a success. --> WELL. They still weren't as much of a success as I had hoped. But I was very tickled by the Moo MiniCards that I created for them.
11. I did some modeling. --> YES. My favorites were probably the Ilanio and the dominatrix shoots.
And this is what I want to be able to say at the end or throughout of the year 2008:
1. I am strong in the face of my relationship insecurities and my fear of rejection.
2. I feel creative and inventive.
3. I have found additional ways to make money.
4. I went to New Mexico.
5. I express everything that needs to be expressed.
6. I am facing my fear of the spotlight and of the stage.
7. I am a lightworker.
8. I am exploring, growing and developing sexually.
9. I practice unconditional love for myself and others.
10. I am able to accept and welcome reality in every moment.
Oh, this year is going to be exciting!
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.: posted by Vera
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