The other day it was raining hard
And I had to put eight of my paintings in my car in the rain to take them over to a friend's house who was going to help me get them ready to be hung up in the local branch of a coffee shop chain whose name I am not allowed to mention. After putting the eight paintings into my car in the rain, I walked one block to the nearest convenience store to get some ice cream for me and my friend whose house I was going to. I was all wet when I got there because it was raining hard, and the store owner, who recognized me because I come into the store all the time, gave me a black umbrella. He said "You take this and bring it back next time." I thought that was really nice.
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.: posted by Vera 
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Geek-up
Last night I went over to Min Jung's house to hang out with Alison and two Jason's. We twittered a lot and ate unhuman amounts of chocolate ball cookie dough and chocolate ball cookies. It was the geekiest evening I have had in a while.
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.: posted by Vera
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Evidence
Somebody got a good action shot of me doing afro psychic readings with my crystal ball at Alchemy last Saturday.
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.: posted by Vera
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I fell again yesterday and now I have this huge scrape on my left knee
I kind of like it because it reminds me of being a little girl. I decided to wear a skirt today to show it off.
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.: posted by Vera
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Wishing my life was one big workshop
In February I spent three full days (from 9am to 10pm) in the Landmark Forum. It seems like that would be a drag but it wasn't at all. I didn't want it to end. I wanted to keep thinking and feeling, realizing and recognizing, growing and understanding.
Last weekend I spent another three days (this time from 9am to 4:30pm) in a theta healing workshop. I got to sit in a beautiful building with huge windows surrounded by trees in Sebastopol with other people who are psychic or shamanistic or otherwise intuitive, and I got to learn about brainwaves and beliefs, I got to look at my own beliefs and decide what I would rather believe, and at the same time I got certified to help others transform their beliefs. And again, I didn't want it to end.
I wanted to go back to the workshop environment all day again after it was over. It felt safe. It felt like how life should be. It felt like how I want my life to be. To sit around in a circle and be open and vulnerable and process stuff and shift consciousness. I want my whole life to feel that way.
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.: posted by Vera
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The moment I lost my childlike optimism
In 8th grade English class I got into a discussion with the English teacher about poverty. He said that a very poor family couldn't possibly be happy. I argued that of course they could; they love each other and they have each other, so they are going to be happy even if they have to sleep on the floor. After class I talked to my classmate and good friend Philipp. He called me naive and the teacher a capitalist. I didn't know what a capitalist was but I knew that I didn't want to be naive.
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.: posted by Vera
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Theta healing
I'm in a three day workshop this weekend, starting today. I am about to commute to Sebastopol, CA for the first time and very excited. Doors, open!
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.: posted by Vera
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Dolly's Funeral
Like I mentioned, during my visit home I played on my parents' piano for the first time in many, many years. The piece I played is called Püppchens Gebräbnis (Dolly's Funeral) by Tchaikovsky. I used to play it a lot as a depressed 10-year-old. It's very dark and dramatic. You can listen to it here.
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.: posted by Vera
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I feel loved
My Germany trip was awesome but not long enough!
I totally expected my dad to hate my eyebrow piercing and my raggy Katipants. But he didn't. He even said he wanted me to come to his office to show me off to all his co-workers, with raggy pants, eyebrow piercing and all. I felt so accepted.
I spent Friday night at my friend Julia's in Düsseldorf. We drank champagne and talked until 3am. We also called up this guy Jürgen I used to be good friends with, who Julia told me now lives in Düsseldorf. Unfortunately he didn't have time to meet us for coffee the next day. But it was great to talk to him after all these years. As usual, the girl bonding I experienced when sleeping next to Julia in her bed was heaven.
The next night I spent at my sister's apartment in Aachen. We hung out with her boyfriend Wolfgang and another friend of hers, Gian. As Wolfgang fell asleep on Bianca's bed, Gian asked me about my intuitive counseling. He admitted being skeptical. An interesting conversation ensued. I think Gian was less skeptical by the time he left. Bianca, Wolfgang and I all slept in Bianca's bed, and again I really enjoyed the closeness. That feeling is the main reason I wanted to spend a night at Julia's and one at Bianca's.
On Sunday, Bianca and I took the three hour train ride back towards our parents' house. I got out in Münster because I was supposed to meet with Tobi! He picked me up at the train station in his Mini. We went to a cafe type place called Milch und Honig (Milk and Honey) and stayed there for three hours. I told him that I still wear every jacket closed because of him. He told me he wasn't surprised I was working on some books. We hugged for the first and second time ever. We vowed to stay in touch. Afterwards I told my sister that meeting with someone who matters to you after this many years is what makes life worth living. She kind of envied me for that experience.
The next day was my grandpa's birthday, who died on November 8. I went to visit my grandma in the morning, driving my grandpa's Audi A4, and we went to the cemetery together. My grandma cried, and the sun came out. We stood there, arm in arm, looking at my grandpa's grave. It was a beautiful moment.
That afternoon my sister and I rode our bikes to my aunt's house. My aunt gave each of us an angel card deck and transmitted Ama Deus energy to us. I am now a certified Ama Deus shaman, and my sister is going to be one soon too. My aunt looked ten years younger, and I think it's because of the Ama Deus energy she's been playing with.
That night I met with my old friend Mone and another old friend from school, Ute. I forgot to tell Mone just how much she means to me, but I did tell Ute that even before our 10-year class reunion last year, I had decided I wanted to get back in touch with her. It feels good to renew old connections even if we live so far apart.
Tuesday was the first and only day I had completely "off." I was home by myself. I read and surfed the web and packed and enjoyed my alone time. I also noticed that I really did NOT want to leave the next day. Usually I look forward to coming back to America but this time I did NOT.
But now I'm back. And it's spring in America! I walked down the street in a t-shirt for the first time this year. It makes me happy.
P.S.: I noticed that I didn't mention my mom, my brother, my brother's girlfriend Anna, or my cousin Johannes, but they were there too and I love them!
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.: posted by Vera
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The Katipants
A few weeks ago, Rosie, whom I had met at Burning Man invited me to a dinner party at her house on Treasure Island. At this party I met Kati. She was wearing the most awesome pants. They were two pairs of jeans, kind of layered on top of each other, with the top one being pulled down as if it was being taken off. She had designed and made them herself. We got to talking and I ended up giving her a ride home.
Since then we have seen a lot of each other. One thing she did for me is introduce me to the Landmark Forum, which I completed a few weekends ago. The Landmark Forum was great because I got to sit around for three days straight and think about myself and look at my issues and try to figure myself out. That in itself was fun but I also gained a better understanding of what it means to live in the moment. Living in the moment is easy to understand in theory but at the Landmark Forum I finally got what that means on a more visceral level.
But what I really want to talk about is the time Kati came over to make me a pair of pants like the ones she was wearing when we met. She used my sewing machine and two pairs of jeans of mine, each of which have at one point been my favorite, and the result was this!
In exchange for the pants I did a psychic reading for her, which left both of us in a trance. I think that's because Kati is psychic too.
And now I have a hard time taking off these pants!
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.: posted by Vera
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Love-hate
I am coming back from Germany tomorrow. The week went by way too fast but it has been amazing. Yes, I saw Tobi. I also saw Mone, for the third time since I started dreaming about her. I have been having some amazing conversations with my sister where I feel very understood. I have been reading about Shirley MacLaine's past lives and it is making me think hard about my own. I played the piano for the first time in about 15 years. Also, my aunt initiated me as a shaman yesterday. I am a shaman! I have always wanted to be a shaman.
Antti took me to the airport last week. I asked him "Have you been depressed lately?" He said "Which one?" It made me laugh hard. He hadn't heard me right. During the ride to the airport I alternated between telling him excitedly about exciting things that had happened to me recently while laughing loudly, and expressing frustration regarding my current state of depression while crying. He just sat there and calmly accepted my mood swings and blatant expression of bipolarity. I wish I could accept them with the same compassion.
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.: posted by Vera
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