Nu blue jacket

I bought the coolest jacket last night. At Mission Thrift. I had to have it. They had just gotten it in that day. It was still warm from the dryer. It smells like fresh laundry. The collar has two different states. It’s electric blue.

New Year’s Eve superlatives

[Note: When I say "New Year's 1995," what I mean is "the night between December 31, 1995 and January 1, 1996."]

The most drunk New Year’s I ever had was New Year’s 1995. It was my last year in Germany. It was my last year of school. I was entitled to a lot of drinking, damnit. I was at a big all-you-can-drink party at a barn somewhere, along with the rest of the Who’s Who in grades 11 through 13 of my school. At one point I made my then-boyfriend and my best girlfriend kiss each other because I thought they were both beautiful, and I wanted to see them kiss. It was one of the coldest nights that year. After the party, I walked home with my boyfriend, my girlfriend, her sister and another classmate. It was already light out. The streets were completely iced up, and we kept falling on our asses because the streets were slippery and also because we were drunk out of our minds. The other classmate kept picking me up from behind every time I fell, and accidentally touched my boobs every time. We were home by about 7:30 am. That day I experienced the worst hangover of my life. It was physically impossible for me to climb stairs. I had to stay in the basement all day.

The most “otherwise” entoxicated New Year’s I ever had was New Year’s 1999. Yes, the Y2K New Year’s. My then-boyfriend (different from Mr. 1995) and I and a bunch of friends went to a big rave called M2K at the LA Sports Arena. I wore a turquoise wig and started “feeling it” in the hip hop room. I met a guy that night who wore a shirt with a flashing cross on it. He told me he wore it because he was a priest. I believed him.

The saddest New Year’s I ever had was New Year’s 1991. I had found out right before Christmas that the boy I liked liked me too. I thought that New Year’s was going to be the day we would become an item. Unfortunately he changed his mind about me at the last minute because I was too fickle or something. Fact is that in his case I wasn’t fickle at all because I continued to pine over him for at least another year after that without ever getting him. Bastard.

The most embarrassing New Year’s I ever had was New Year’s 1998. I was visiting Germany, and the local newspaper had just published an article about me and how I had emigrated to the United States. The article included a priceless picture of me pointing at California on a globe and simultaneously holding up my greencard and my California driver’s license. Needless to say, most of the people at the New Year’s Eve party I attended recognized me, said “I saw you in the paper today” and then ran away laughing. That night I also, after talking to a cute former classmate for a few hours, attempted to kiss him, at which point he backed off and said “I don’t do that.” The only good thing that night was repeatedly stuffing cheese puffs up a sleeping party guest’s nose while his bitchy sister kept removing them.

Will tonight be another superlative? God, I hope not.

Happy UK New Year

A few minutes ago I celebrated the New Year with my friends in the UK over at Breaks FM. Or rather, I listened to their Breaks stream at work while they celebrated the New Year. About ten minutes before midnight the host announced “We have about ten minutes to go. I am going to take a piss and then prepare for the onslaught.”

Then at midnight he screamed “Happy 7 o’clock in the evening, East Coast of America! It’s the motherfucking New Year in the UK!”

I was endlessly amused.

Déjŕ vu

In February 1999 I came to San Francisco for a weekend to visit my friends Monica and Robby. Monica had just turned 21, and we were going to celebrate. I was living in the LA area at the time. I was also depressed and heartbroken and my self-esteem was at a low point. The visit cheered me up a bit. I especially remember one very comforting moment. We were at a fancy restaurant somewhere in the Castro on Market Street. Since this was only my third visit to San Francisco, I had no idea where exactly we were. We ordered appetizers and drank bellinis. I had never had a bellini before. It was delicious. One time I went to the bathroom at the fancy restaurant. Song 12 from Madonna’s Ray of Light was playing: Little Star. The CD had been on heavy rotation in my CD player at home in my little, depressed student housing room, and this song was one of my favorites. Here are some excerpts from the lyrics:

Never forget who you are

Little star

Never forget how to dream

Butterfly

You breathe new life

Into my broken heart

May the angels protect you

And sadness forget you

Little star

There’s no reason to weep

Lay your head down to sleep

Little star

May goodness surround you

While I was in that bathroom listening to the song, slightly entoxicated from at least one bellini, I saw the light at the end of the depression I was going through. “It’s all true!” I thought. “I am a little star, and I shouldn’t be sad like this. Beautiful things are in store for me.” I rejoined my party at the table smiling at the thought of the secret I had just discovered: I was a little star, and nobody could take that away from me. This may sound cheesy, but when you’re depressed and lonely like that, this kind of self-serving perspective is sometimes the only thing that will get you through the day. It was a moment I won’t soon forget.

Back to the present: I recently found myself at Mecca for a work party. Mecca is on Market Street across the street from the Safeway. I had driven by it many times. People asked me prior to the party if I had been to Mecca before. I said that I hadn’t. After about an hour of being at the restaurant, my coworker Israel approached me holding a sweet-looking orange-colored drink. I asked him what he was drinking. He replied that it was a bellini. I said “Ah, a bellini! I have only had a bellini once before. It was at a fancy restaurant somewhere on Market Street … a long time ago…”

Do you see where this is going?

Israel, who incidentally used to work at Mecca, said “A fancy restaurant on Market Street that serves bellinis? Are you sure it wasn’t this one?” I looked around, and that’s when it all came crashing in. The row of tables by the window. The steel counter top. The… bathroom – oh, it’s back there – yep, that’s the one! The next drink I ordered was a bellini. Then I went to the bathroom and took a picture, thankful that I am a much happier and more confident person now.

Julia’s apartment

As announced previously, I have put together some pictures of my friend Julia’s apartment in Düsseldorf, Germany. She has lived in the same apartment for about six years now, and I relish her style every time I am over. She doesn’t call herself a designer for nothing, you know.

I LOVE my presents!

Every single one of my Christmas presents this year was a total winner. It goes to show that my loved ones really know me.

Here they are, in unwrapping order.

My sister gave me a colorful sweater with a matching yellow belt. I LOVE to match!

My ex-boyfriend gave me a Hello Kitty 2004 calendar. I think this was a very sweet gesture. I LOVE Hello Kitty!

My brother gave me rainbow socks with individual toes. If you have never worn these kind of socks, you don’t know how difficult it is to get each of your individual toes into its individual compartment. But I managed because I LOVE rainbow socks!

My parents gave me Anna Sui perfume. It smells very sweet, which is why I asked for it. It totally looks like it has patchouli in it, doesn’t it? And you know what, it just might. I LOVE… okay, this is getting old.

Also from my parents, these gloves are convertible. They are initially finger-free, but they have flaps which can be pulled over your fingers if they get too cold. German engineering at its best.

I thought I’d also mention this pillow case my mom made me for my birthday in May. There is a story behind it. Ever since I was about ten years old, I have had a little pillow exactly this size which I have been sleeping on on top of my regular-sized pillow. My mom and I sewed the first pillow case together. It was white and had a mouse on it. I used it until I was 15, at which point it had gotten pretty worn out, and my mom gave me a new, green one with a mouse on it for Christmas. I used that one for years and years and years, and I think I still have it somewhere, but I don’t know where. This year my mom gave me a rainbow pillow case for my birthday to replace the now-12-year-old mouse pillow case. But I couldn’t find the pillow that goes inside it! This size pillow is very common in Germany, but I was having a hard time finding one in the U.S. So when I went home to Germany just recently, my mom gave me a new pillow so that I could finally inaugurate the rainbow pillow case. I LOVE sleeping on a rainbow!

I will be speaking at a conference!

It’s been confirmed: I will be giving a talk about Web Services in Flash MX 2004 at Flash in the Can in Toronto, Canada in the beginning of April. Why, my name appears on the front page! This is the first time I will be speaking at a conference, and I am thrilled and terrified at the same time. Professionally, this is definitely a dream come true.

A new home for BAH

I haven’t been hooping for the last few weeks because the park just isn’t the same when it’s gray, rainy, and coldish. But we have finally found an indoor hoop space: From now until the end of January at least, we will be hooping at CELLspace, a collaborative art and community center. Today was our first day in the new home. Report and pictures at hooping.org.

Geek Squad

I have been seeing black and white VW beetles around the city that say Geek Squad on them. I am most intrigued. I am tempted to call them over and have them look at my perfectly functional computer. Well, my scanner has been acting up at times…

Between Us and Them

November and December are the months of reflection and melancholy. You think about your past and you think about people from your past. Min Jung and I had a long conversation about this recently, and Jane has hinted at this as well. I started getting these reflective feelings right on time this year, on November 1st. And even though I am really pretty happy these days, there has been a vague seasonal sadness on the tip of my tongue ever since. Around Thanksgiving, for instance, I thought about last year’s Thanksgiving, which I spent with my ex-boyfriend. And it wasn’t the kind of “Oh, I wish I was still with him” reminiscence, it was more like “Yes, I am happy right now, but THAT was nice too.”

Even if nothing is really wrong, this annual reflection leaves you craving comfort in the shape of settings, people, edibles, music, etc. When I get emotionally vulnerable like this, my musical orientation changes. While I usually prefer driving, dirty, bassy music that makes me jump up and down, right now I feel drawn to quieter, more melodic tunes, music that can only be described as soothing. Chill Factor 100 is an online radio station that plays the kind of music I need right now. One of the songs that have been playing on there lately is Between Us and Them by Ulrich Schnauss. Every time I hear it, I feel like I am wrapped in a Hello Kitty blanket and being spoon-fed hot chocolate. Needless to say I listen to it about seventeen times a day. Last year around this time, I went through a similar period where I clung to Amo Bishop Roden by Boards of Canada for dear life until the days started getting longer and I was ready to look forward instead of backward again.